Hail Caesar!

Ever order something at a restaurant that was so fucked up, you *had* to make the item at home just to make the world make sense, even for a moment? 

I had such a thing happen two weeks ago when I went against my personal rule of not ordering a Caesar salad at restaurants, because no one makes them well anymore. 

I haven’t had a decent Caesar since roughly 1988 or 1989, when I was dating a guy with “feeder” tendencies—with whom I was gaining 10 pounds a month every month until I dumped him (for other reasons). But oh how delicious that weight gain was!

We’d go to Rod’s Old Irish Inn in Sea Girt NJ, and I’d order a Caesar salad and tortellini alfredo—the latter I know now is such a catastrophic calorie, fat, and carb bomb—oh the deliciousness! Anyway, back to the Caesar!

Their Caesar was a thing of beauty. They made their own dressing. The greens were scrupulously clean and fresh. The croutons with big and freshly made in house (or they could have been Marzetti brand, either way, top shelf!).

Along the way, I have given up on ordering salads at restaurants, but in particular and ESPECIALLY Caesar salads. That personal rule has served me well for 30+ years—until 2 weeks ago. 

I had a craving and thought I’d test my rule—only to be reminded why I have this rule. Lesson learned. 

First sign of salad fuckery: There were grape tomatoes on the plate. 

When I ordered the salad, the waiter asked if I wanted anchovies (plural), and my reply was “of course! yes! please!” 

Second sign of salad fuckery, there was a solitary silvery, vinegar marinated anchovy plopped on top like a turd.

Salad dressing was from a bottle and maybe at best was a black peppercorn parmesan—if that. 

The croutons were pitiful little tasteless bits that lent nothing to the salad. 

So the die was cast: I had to rectify this for my tastebuds. As it turned out, I had nearly all the ingredients at home (except for the Worchestershire sauce). The following is what I used to make my own Caesar salad. 

1 C Good mayo

2T EVOO

1T Rice wine vinegar

2T grated parmesan

Juice of 1/2 a lemon

1tsp Dijon

3 cloves garlic, finely minced

1/2 tin (6 each) anchovies, finely minced (pour leftover oil into dressing, too)

Fresh cracked black pepper (roughly 20 grinds, if grinding fresh by hand)

Mix up well, let sit in fridge at least an hour before using. 

The photo above has Olive Garden brand croutons and some crunched up parmesan crisps, and I added wedges of boiled egg to give more protein and not interfere or compete with the salad. 

This recipe makes enough for 4 large salads, and is a real punch in the mouth—pungent and full of flavor. When I make 

this again, I might just use 2 cloves of garlic as it really was intense. 

Enjoy!