Turdmania at the Eatateria
We are what we eat. We eat. We shit. Our produce grow from shit-fertilized soil. We become shit. Festive as that may be, enter the the "Eatateria," to discover an ever-increasing assortment of recipes for lovely meals, which we will soon shit out. I eat, and I shit; therefore, "I am."
Saturday, February 06, 2016
This recipe was used as a guide:
1/4 c Splenda brown sugar blend
1/2 tsp coffee powder
Tahini instead of butter 7 oz
Using close to 7 oz of tahini--should have stuck with metric measurements for this. Looks like i doubled the tahini by oversight, which worked out well due to the second mistake: using coconut flour used 1:1 ratio instead of cutting the coconut flour by 1/2 or 1/3.
As I was mixing, it formed a dough not a batter and I added a bit more egg substitute, perhaps 1-2 eggs worth but still not a batter consistency.
Dough put into parchment lined square cake pan, put sugar free chocolate chips and crumbled sugar free halvah on top, and baked at 325 for 25, and i turned the oven off and let the pan sit for an additional 5 minutes in the oven turned off.
Monday, December 28, 2015
Kevin is Korean-American and living (and teaching) abroad in South Korea, and Justin is Japanese-American, living (and teaching) abroad in Thailand. What I plan on preparing for dinner tonight could almost be construed as an homage to my two friends, given I am going to make a Thai inspired dish, which also involves/includes Korean red pepper paste, gochujang.
Sometime last week, I marinated a hunk (perhaps boneless shoulder with some nice fat and skin attached) pork in this combination:
2T Thai red curry paste
2 T Gochujang
2 T honey
2 T soy sauce
I don't recall if I added anything else to this. I jammed everything into a gallon size zip lock bag and let it hang out in the fridge for a few days to marinate.
I then put it into a DRY crock pot and slow cooked it for four hours. I then shredded the pork up a bit, then boiled the pot liqueur down to reduce and covered the pork.
So tonight is going to be the EPIC stir fry. Perhaps Justin can ring in and let me know if my plan is even remotely authentic, but the plan is to stir fry the pork with some onion and a shit-ton of garlic, add more soy sauce, then add cubed fresh pineapple and a fuck-load of (Taiwanese) basil (as Thai basil or any other kind of basil was not to be found at any of my usual grocers).
Last night I set up a green papaya salad to "go with," and might even consider making some glutinous rice (and throw a few dried pandan leaves in to the water just for kicks--also? I've never used pandan leaves before--so I question if this even a good application?
I will be updating this particular blog post with photos--and look forward to any and all commentary from my friends regarding this most important matter! Until then--SWINE IS DIVINE!
FINALLY! I finally managed to upload a photo of the plated pork in question! Lovely photo, isn't it? I plated it along with some sticky rice seasoned with pandan leaves, and a nice green papaya salad. I feel that this stands alone, and I would do well to mix up a little minced red onion and cuke w/rice vinegar, nam pla and a smidge of palm sugar to have on the side. In lieu of that, I managed to find a not-too dessicated lime in the veggie bin and gave a good squirt of that to cut the fattiness of the pork.
Now, what did I do to the pork?
First, I put a neutral oil in a skillet, and while that heated up, I took the tub of porkiness out of the fridge and popped it in the microwave for about 2.5 minutes to get it up to temp.
I then dumped a mass of diced white onion and about 10 sliced garlic cloves to the oil and started getting that stirring. I then added the pork, and cooked that down a bit more, continuing to mash and shred what chunks remained.
As the sugars in the marinade started to caramelize on the bottom of the pan, I'd add a bit of water and soy sauce to deglaze. The whole process, probably was 5-10 minutes total.
Once the garlic was no longer raw and the juices started to caramelize again, I got the tub of cubed pineapple out of the fridge, and dumped the little bit of juice in the bottom of the tub into the pan, and diced up the pineapple and dumped that in. I tossed it around for a bit thoroughly heating the pineapple but not cooking it down until it was soft.
I then turned off the heat and added a LOT of fresh Taiwanese basil to this, ripping the leaves in half. I'm not sure how much basil--I bought a package of it, and this might be the only dish I manage to use it in before the basil starts to get wilty, so I was generous.
I managed to stifle the urge to "gild the lily" further by adding my old standby: Sriracha. Not everything Thai demands Sriracha. And sadly last night when I set up my green papaya salad, I didn't have the forethought to set up a bit of red onion/cuke/vinegar/nam pla sauce (I don't even know what this saucey thing is called--all I know is it exists and serves a great purpose.)
When plating everything up, I gave everything a modest squeeze of fresh lime juice.
My green papaya salad ingredients are:
Shred green papaya
Shred carrot (because I like carrot in this! I also like bean sprouts--but lacked them on this go-around, and I also suspect jicama could work very nicely in this too)
Fresh minced garlic
2 Serrano chilies minced fine
Cilantro stems minced fine
Chopped roasted peanuts
Friday, November 27, 2015
Friday, March 20, 2015
Last year's bird was spatchcocked and poulet'd. Perhaps the tastiest effing bird I've enjoyed, save for the Thanksgiving birds the Maharjaha's aunty has made.
10.5 lb bird
Oven pre-heated to 450
Cooked for 80 minutes with a 20 minute rest period.
Tuesday, February 17, 2015
I thought about it long and hard and found the recipe over at King Arthur Flour, which seemed a decent enough jumping off point, at least for proportions; however, I tweaked the shit out of that recipe.
1. Instead of APF, I used 1 cup barley flour and 3/4 cup of buckwheat flour, thinking I'd lower the glycemic index, but boost nutrtition (next time, I might augment with almond meal, too);
2. Instead of brown sugar, I used granulated maple sugar;
3. I soaked the chopped dates in the hot coffee overnight*;
4. In lieu of vodka, I used Galliano's coffee liqueur;
5. I only had about 1/2 cup of walnuts on hand--and rounded out the cup with pecans as I had some on hand;
6. In lieu of 4 T butter, I used 4 T macadamia nut oil (as I haven't used up my supply and figured this would be a good use for the oil.
*My intent was to blitz this with my immersion blender to form a slurry, and in the end, I got lazy and did not--I believe this affected the moisture content of the date nut bread, somewhat.
All ingredients were room temp and ready to go and mixed in order
Oven pre-heated according to recipe. And a bundt pan was spritzed with oil spray and dusted with flour and set aside.
Cheeseycakey bit which I messed up by accidentally adding an additional egg (next time I'll go with 2 eggs and 1 T of cake mix):
1 8 oz pkg Neufschatel
6 T Splenda
1 tsp Vanilla
2 T prepackaged vanilla or white cake mix
Mix on high for 2 minutes until foamy and well blended.
I baked for 55 minutes; next time I'll shoot for 50 minutes. I let it rest on my counter for 10 minutes, then wrapped in cling wrap and put out on my balcony to cool off (here, the temps are hovering around 6F, so much colder than my fridge). I let it sit there for one hour before attempting to dislodge it from the pan.
The intent here was for a ribbon of cheesecake in the center, like those picture perfect old timey 1970s Bundt cakes. Unfortunately my ratio was off, and this ended up coming off more as a marbled cake.
Cheeseycake part was fine, and the date nut bread was somewhat less moist than what I consider the ideal date nut bread. My ideal date nut bread is very dense, so I might lower the baking powder next time by 1/2 tsp.
Result: Tasty, but next batch will definitely be a winner.
Tuesday, January 06, 2015
So I decided to give it a whirl once more. I tried, and failed, in the past to get the egg all nice and ribbony, and couldn't figure out where I went wrong, and then it hit me, I hadn't thickened it at all (not even "sufficiently," but not at all), and the egg just glopped to the bottom of the broth.
So I combined two things, my love of egg drop soup with my love of bone broth, and came up with this formula.
So my recipe is really two recipes in one: One recipe for the broth, one recipe for the soup itself.
2-3 lbs chicken feet (necks will work too)
1/2 a large leek minced
Bottoms cut off a bunch of scallions
2 ribs of celery
roughly 2 T lemon juice
And enough water to fill my five quart pressure cooker 3/4 of the way full
I combine everything into a bundle of cheesecloth and pitch the whole thing (after draining of course) after cooking.
Seal PC and cook on high pressure for 25 minutes and let it depressurize on its own.
I used 3 quarts of the 4.5 quarts of bone broth this made--I reserved extra broth for other meals.
Egg Drop Soup:
3 quarts of broth
Flavorings are approximate values:
1/8- 1/4 tsp Garlic powder
1/4 -1/2 tsp white pepper
1/4 tsp ginger powder
Salt to taste
Drizzle of sesame oil
A pinch or two of turmeric for color (don't add so much you can taste it!)
Thickener of your choosing (Some folks opt for a slurry of corn starch and water; I sprinkle a wee bit of xanthan gum powder until it starts to thicken a bit)
At the point what the broth is at a low boil and thickened, start to drizzle in 4 eggs scrambled. Stirring the soup so the egg starts to get all ribbony and shreddy. Once the egg is done, the soup is done.
I like a few grinds of black pepper in it and adjust the salt if need be. I garnished with scallions (as pictured) and after snapping the photo, I added enokis, because well, I love enokis. YMMV.
Makes 3 quarts--though if you dilute your broth further, you can make more soup, though it won't be as full bodied as straight up bone broth.
You'll know you did all of this right when, after refrigerating, your soup has gelled.
Saturday, November 15, 2014
Monday, October 27, 2014
"Restaurant Quality": Compliment. Quite literally is what you would imagine it to be. This is one of the highest praises my husband gives to some of the food I've prepared.
"Just Like My (His) Mom Makes": Compliment. Authentic south Indian. (Even his mother quipped to me, "I have nothing to teach you.")
"Tasty Tasty": Compliment. And pretty much is what you see is what you get. It's fucking tasty.
"It's Goo" Neither here nor there, though more compliment than insult. Tasty enough to get it past the taste buds. Would still eat it again if presented for dinner.
"Just Like My (MY) Mom Makes": Insult. Despite my mom having worked 20+ years in food service, she had been known to churn out such "winners" as "albacore marinara," "meatball strogganoff," and meatloaf, with the latter two causing epic gastric distress due to the fat not being drained off either.
"It'll Make a Turd": Insult. Inoffensive enough to choke it back, but if given a choice we wouldn't eat it again. Could be just bland, or otherwise not living up to our expectations.
Thursday, October 16, 2014
I have eaten this fruit precisely one time.
Funky, sweet, odd combination of fruity flavor profile, with a top note of rotting onions, yet inoffensively so, if that makes any sense. Will I eat it again? HELL NO.
Garlic powder (a few shakes)
1 pouch of Prince of Peace Ginger-honey drink mix
2 T Trader Joes Pepper Jelly
20 oz can Cubed Pineapple (though, I drained out about half the juice)
2 T Schug, Red
Few grinds black pepper
1 tsp Penzeys orange peel
A few squirts Sriracha
1 onion, sliced
1 fistful sultana raisins
1 fistful dried cranberries
Stir to distribute. Slow cook 5.5 hours.
When done cooking, taste and adjust salt if need be.
Turn on brown setting to get it bubbling again, then add in whatever thickener you use. I use xanthan gum powder, as it renders out a very nice end product, and isn't as pesky as cornstarch. Also, it adds a negligible amount of carbs.
This is good for 1-3 lbs of pork cubes.
Serve over rice, bowtie pasta, corn bread or toasted garlic bread. Keeps nicely in the fridge for up to a week to ten days--if it doesn't get consumed sooner!
Brain storm! Thinking of perhaps a brioche type based stromboli (eggy like a Hawaiian roll), with this pork tucked inside.