We are what we eat. We eat. We shit. Our produce grow from shit-fertilized soil. We become shit. Festive as that may be, enter the the "Eatateria," to discover an ever-increasing assortment of recipes for lovely meals, which we will soon shit out. I eat, and I shit; therefore, "I am."

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Got Garnish?

This morning, Avitable posted a picture (and a recipe) of what he calls "breakfast hash." Which, to be honest, looks like it's composed almost entirely of garnishes. Almost. Look at this mess. It's a thing of beauty. Tasty, tasty beauty. :)

This reminded me of my "Crunch Salad" I sometimes make (usually in a Mr. Creosote sized bucket to last me a week of lunches). With one exception (either broccoli shreds or florets) my salad is composed entirely of garnishes. The broccoli (or even shred carrot might work too) is in there to keep my colon honest (and by honest, I mean scrubbed clean and happy). 

Now, I am sure you can make this salad without vegetation, and would no doubt be delicious. Hell. You could roll the components up inside a soft tortilla and nuke it, or fry it in a skillet for a quesadilla. Have at it. But this is for the salad form. YMMV.

Into a bucket or other vessel big enough to accommodate this mess, dump in the following ingredients:
  • 1 Bag o'broccoli florets (break 'em down smaller if they're too shrub like) OR use a bag of "broccoli slaw" (I prefer the latter for more uniformity in my servings) (Note: You could also use shredded fresh brussels sprouts if you have them on hand)
  • 1 medium red onion diced (good substitute: French's Fried Onions in a can--but save these to be added right before serving, otherwise they mush up)
  • 1 fistful of raisins (black or yellow) or craisins or currants if you're fancy
  • 1 fisftul of sunflower seeds
  • 1 fisftful (or more) of Hormel bacon bits (the shit in the bag that needs to be refrigerated after opening)
  • 1 fistful (or if you're squeamish about such things, approx 1/3 cup) crumbled blue cheese
  • Blue cheese dressing (or Hellman's mayo)
  • Salt and pepper to taste. I like to do about 15 grinds of black pepper in it.
Mix all that shit up and let it sit overnight. Serve up and garnish with the French's onions.

I sometimes will serve this up with some cubed cooked chicken or leftover steak. If you have hard boiled eggs, wedge up a few and serve with the salad to boost the protein. It's up to you.

Also: If you want to cut down on calories, you can cut your blue cheese dressing by 50% and mix in some plain yogurt, just tinker with your salt and pepper to adjust flavoring. 

Also: I sometimes will throw in some chia seeds to boost fiber, and it also helps make me feel fuller, longer. I might serve this up with some arugala sprouts or clover sprouts if I have it on hand, to add something green to the mess. YMMV.

Servings: Approximately 4-5 servings that weigh in approximately 6-7 oz per.

Nutritional information? Fuck that. You can "math it out." I only provide the yum.