Recipe from Joolz: Ganached Guinness Goodness (Cake)

This is another recipe I found in one of my inboxes. Date of the original email 12/23/2007, so it's been sitting there, languishing in my inbox for 13 years, and the recipe comes courtesy of my friend Julia, aka Joolz, who I haven’t heard from in years (and I hope she's doing well). 

I debated sharing this for St. Patrick’s Day, three months from now. Instead, I’ll share it on December 23rd. 

Note: for my own particular reasons, if I were to make this, I’d use any other brand stout rather than Guinness, as I don’t think enough (or any) punishment was ever dispensed for the damage done to girls and women which were abused and put to work (slave labor) via the Magdalene Asylum.

INGREDIENTS: 

1 cup stout (such as Guinness)
1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter
¾ cup unsweetened cocoa powder (preferably Dutch-process)
2 cups all purpose flour
2 cups sugar
1½ teaspoons baking soda
¾ teaspoon salt
2 large eggs 2/3 cup sour cream*
6 ounces good semisweet chocolate chips
6 tablespoons heavy cream
¾ teaspoon instant coffee granules

CAKE PREP:

Preheat oven to 350°F. Butter or spray a bundt pan. Bring 1 cup stout and 1 cup butter to simmer in heavy large saucepan over medium heat. Add cocoa powder and whisk until mixture is smooth. Cool slightly.

Whisk flour, sugar, baking soda, and ¾ teaspoon salt in large bowl to blend. Using electric mixer, beat eggs and sour cream in another large bowl to blend. Add stout-chocolate mixture to egg mixture and beat just to combine. Add flour mixture and beat briefly on slow speed. Using rubber spatula, fold batter until completely combined.

Pour batter into prepared pan. Bake cake until tester inserted into center comes out clean, about 35 minutes. Transfer cake to rack; cool 10 minutes. Turn cake out onto rack and cool completely.

GANACHE:

For the ganache, melt the chocolate, heavy cream, and coffee in the top of a double boiler over simmering water until smooth and warm, stirring occasionally. Drizzle over the top of cooled cake.

Tonight's Big Bake: Ultra Dark Chocolate Sourdough Cupcakes w/Cannoli Filling

Pictures, of course, will be forthcoming, once they are made:)

As referenced in my previous post, I've got a couple things I'm going to either bake or set up tonight. One of which is a batch of chocolate cupcakes with cannoli filling which I'll take to my housebound mom, in honor of her birthday which was this week.

The cake recipe I'm going to use as my "jumping off point" is the Sourdough Chocolate Cake from Pinch My Salt; however, I'm going to tweak the hell out of it due to my own needs/preferences and the fact my mom's a Type II Diabetic.

CAKE INGREDIENTS:
Wet Stuff
1/2 C Grapeseed Oil
1/2 C Coconut oil
1/2 C Coffee
1/2 C Yogurt
1 C Sourdough starter (I fed mine this morning, and it's not too funky)
1/2 C Granulated sugar
1/2 C Splenda
2 Eggs
1 tsp Vanilla

Dry Stuff
1/2 C KAF Sprouted Wheat Flour
1/2 C Coconut Flour
3/4 KAF Black Cocoa
1 T Ovaltine powder or Diastatic Malted Barley Powder
1 tsp Salt
1 tsp Baking Soda

METHOD:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. I'm going to make cupcakes, so YMMV if you use a 13 x 9 inch cake pan or a BOONDT! pan. Prep cupcake tins with nonstick cooking spray.

(What's a BOONDT!? you may ask! For further reference check out this clip from My Big Fat Greek Wedding.) 

In a large mixing bowl add the wet ingredients in the order listed and blend thoroughly by hand or with a mixer. Then, one by one, gradually mix in the dry ingredients until completely blended (about two minutes).

Pour batter into the prepared, greased cake pan of your choosing and bake in center rack of preheated oven. If using a 13x9 baking pan, bake time will be roughly 27-30 minutes, and cupcakes will be roughly 22 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the center of the cake comes out clean. 

While cake is baking, make cannoli filling.

Let cake cool in baking pan. If you'll frost your cake, do so once it's completely cooled.   I plan on using a "cupcake corer" and fill the interior with cannoli filling--and love this recipe at Homemade Hooplah--but again, I need to tweak it!

CANNOLI FILLING INGREDIENTS: 

1 C Ricotta
8 oz Cream Cheese (Room Temp)
1/2-3/4 C  Splenda or Swerve (Note: I might use a combination of both)
1/2 tsp Vanilla
1/2 tsp Fiori di Sicilia
Pinch salt
2/3 cup mini chocolate chips (Note: Since I will be piping this filling into the cupcakes, I will merely garnish the cupcakes with the chocolate chips, as the chips will no doubt clog the piping bag.) 

This is pretty straightforward! I plan on mixing with a hand held mixer until well blended and somewhat fluffy. Set aside until cake is cool enough to pipe filling in.

Birthday Cake For Maharajah

Somehow I've been remiss in sharing all the deets for the cake I baked for the Maharajah a few weeks back...

Somehow we managed not to indulge in a Sacher torte while in Vienna. And by "somehow," I mean, thanks to too much walking and being agitated and the line was very long at Cafe Sacher, I didn't feel like standing (in pain) to wait to sample this cake, at the very place where it was created/conceptualized.

And somehow when we traipsed over to Cafe Demel, we STILL managed not to indulge. So it seemed only fitting that when it was the Maharajah's birthday, THIS WAS the cake I would make.  

I checked out all possible recipes online, and Wolfgang Puck's Sachertorte recipe seemed the most straightforward, so that is the recipe I used. With one minor tweak: I used five whole eggs. I can't bring myself to waste that spare yolk! Oh, and I decided rather than have Maharajah and I fight over the very last of the tasty chocolate I brought back from Budapest, I'd melt it up (as well as a bunch of other chocolate which has been languishing--hilarious, no?) for the ganache.

I decided rather than bake it in a round pan and possibly fuck up cutting the cake into two layers, I'd bake it on a half a sheet pan, to make a loaf shaped cake, with four cake layers.

I lined the pan with parchment (as I do have trust issues with cakes NOT releasing!), and this is what I discovered upon inverting it after cooling: apparently I did not incorporate everything sufficiently. Oh well, it'll get obscured by the layers and the ganache, so whatever...

I employed a trick I saw online to cut the cake and then snip the parchment with scissors, to make transitioning the layers. BRILLIANT IDEA!

I then took the apricot preserves and jacked them up with a bit of the Mount Gay Rum I brought back from Barbados in January, and the layers very quickly assembled!  Photo NOT shared: OCD Baking = Measuring the cake with a T-square to make sure each layer is the same size--despite the perspective of this photo, all four slices are identically sized.

I have heard that many people complain about sachertorte being dry. Perhaps whomever baked the cake was a bit skimpy with the jam/rum? Perhaps? This sucker was moist!

I then transitioned the tray to the freezer to set up for about 1-2 hours before I totally enrobed the whole shebang in bittersweet ganache, and half assed decorating it with white chocolate ganache and non-pareils. Okay, the decorating is a bit on the humble side, and looks a bit bukkake-ish, but whatever bitches, it was tasty. Very tasty.

 "The Money Shot"

Stay tuned as in a couple weeks I'll be posting my own birthday cake--something different, but a white Sacher (and that will pretty much be the only thing in common with this cake, the filling/s, etc, will all be entirely different), but the sponge will be a white chocolate sacher.

Permutation, Prototype: Date Nut Bread/Cheese Cake Hybrid

Last week's food related daydream was a hybrid of date nut bread with a ribbon or tunnel of cheese cake filling, given most people I know eat date nut bread with a shmear of cream cheese.

I thought about it long and hard and found the recipe over at King Arthur Flour, which seemed a decent enough jumping off point, at least for proportions; however, I tweaked the shit out of that recipe.

My tweaks:

1. Instead of APF, I used 1 cup barley flour and 3/4 cup of buckwheat flour, thinking I'd lower the glycemic index, but boost nutrtition (next time, I might augment with almond meal, too);
2. Instead of brown sugar, I used granulated maple sugar;
3. I soaked the chopped dates in the hot coffee overnight*;
4. In lieu of vodka, I used Galliano's coffee liqueur;
5. I only had about 1/2 cup of walnuts on hand--and rounded out the cup with pecans as I had some on hand;
6. In lieu of 4 T butter, I used 4 T macadamia nut oil (as I haven't used up my supply and figured this would be a good use for the oil.

*My intent was to blitz this with my immersion blender to form a slurry, and in the end, I got lazy and did not--I believe this affected the moisture content of the date nut bread, somewhat.

All ingredients were room temp and ready to go and mixed in order

Oven pre-heated according to recipe. And a bundt pan was spritzed with oil spray and dusted with flour and set aside.

Cheeseycakey bit which I messed up by accidentally adding an additional egg (next time I'll go with 2 eggs and 1 T of cake mix):

1 8 oz pkg Neufschatel 
6 T Splenda
1 tsp Vanilla
pinch salt
3 Eggs
2 T prepackaged vanilla or white cake mix 

Mix on high for 2 minutes until foamy and well blended.

I baked for 55 minutes; next time I'll shoot for 50 minutes. I let it rest on my counter for 10 minutes, then wrapped in cling wrap and put out on my balcony to cool off (here, the temps are hovering around 6F, so much colder than my fridge). I let it sit there for one hour before attempting to dislodge it from the pan.

The intent here was for a ribbon of cheesecake in the center, like those picture perfect old timey 1970s Bundt cakes. Unfortunately my ratio was off, and this ended up coming off more as a marbled cake.

Cheeseycake part was fine, and the date nut bread was somewhat less moist than what I consider the ideal date nut bread. My ideal date nut bread is very dense, so I might lower the baking powder next time by 1/2 tsp.

Result: Tasty, but next batch will definitely be a winner.

Vis a Vis: Yet Another Permutation a la Banana Sponge

Yet another foodsperiment for the Nesco.
Yet another foodsperiment involving bananas + sponge - frangipane.

This overs up a spongey moist cakey product akin to something our local cupcake emporium calls "hummingbird cake." Though mine is healthier, and I ate a piece, warm, without icing. Though to be honest, I'd eat this with a shmear of peanut butter to keep it simple. 

This recipe is less involved than the frangipane sponge hybrid, and I found no fuss involved with the whites. I did not chill the bowls. I did not let the eggs come to room temp. I just cracked, separated, and whipped. Good result. If I wanted to make them more "muffin-y," I could have added chia or flax seed. But this recipe will render out a spongey cake, a soft product, which could be dressed up as a cake or dressed down as a muffin. Also, inclusion of chocolate chips could go nicely with this.

Ingredients:

2 large eggs, separated
1/3 C splenda
1/3 C Almond (or hazelnut) meal
1/3 C Quinoa flakes (or quick cook oats, or malted barley flour)
2 T. Malted milk powder (I used Ovaltine)
1/2 tsp Baking powder 
1 pinch salt
1 Very ripe banana, mashed
1 T. Macadamia nut oil (or almond oil, or grapeseed oil, or a neutral flavored oil)
1 tsp. Vanilla
handful chopped walnuts

Method:

In one mixing bowl (with the egg YOLKS), put all dry ingredients + oil, vanilla, and banana. Set aside. Do not mix.

In remaining mixing bowl, whip whites until fluffy and form peaks. Don't over whip. Set aside.

Mix the bowl w/the banana etc. Mix well. Fold whites into the banana mixture. Add walnuts towards the last few folds. Pour into a baking dish or casserole which was sprayed with oil spray liberally. (Make sure ahead of time this dish will fit in your Nesco.). Cover with foil and pinch down (not to seal, but to secure it. the foil is just to keep the water off the cake).

Place in Nesco on the trivet with about 2 cups water in the bottom. Close lid and set to seal. Pressure cook on high pressure for 18 minutes. Let depressurize on its own. 

Copyright 2013
SF, "Maven"

Banana Frangipane-Sponge Cake For the Nesco

Most folks day dream about other things. If I'm not day dreaming about my crochet projects, then I'm day dreaming about cooking something I haven't managed to make (yet). Invariably the thing I want to cook is a permutation of something else, or a mash up of several ideas, this process I refer to as "MacGuyvering." 

Anyhoo, what is being daydreamed about right now is a frangipane-sponge cake hybrid. I've got ripe bananas at home, hence the inclusion herein. 

This recipe VERY EASILY lends itself to being made gluten free and/or Kosher for Passover. I say sponge "cake," but given the nature of the ingredients, this could very well be a very spongey muffin, quick bread recipe or whatever you want to call it. If you want to gussy it up with a frosting, call it cake. If you want to tinker with it and see if it's got enough structural integrity in the sponge itself to see if you can do it up jelly roll style, knock yourself out. 

I just wish I were home to play with this. The cook time is the only thing I am not certain of, and if anyone out there decides to play along at home, please let me know what your experience has been w/the cook time, whether in a traditional pressure cooker, or in an electric Nesco.

Maven's Banana Sponge (For the Nesco)

Step 1: Separate 3 room temperature eggs.
Step 2: Put steel bowl in freezer.
Step 3: Prep cake pan (which should fit in your Nesco w/sufficient space to allow steam to circulate around the pan in the cooker).

Mise #1 (Frangipane):

The three yolks from Step 1.
2 tsp. Vanilla
1 T. Macadamia nut oil (or almond oil, or neutral flavored oil, or if you want to go in a different direction entirely w/the flavor profile, try coconut oil)
1 Very ripe banana, mashed

Step 4:  Mix wet ingredients very well, then combine the dry together, and gradually add this to the wet ingredients, incorporating it well:

3/4 C. Almond (or hazelnut) meal
2 T. Malted barley flour (or regular AP or oat flour, or ladoo besan/chick pea flour, or potato starch)
1/3 C. Splenda (or sweetener of your choice)
1/4 tsp Salt

Set bowl aside.

Mise #2 (Meringue for the Sponge):

3 Whites from Step 1
½ tsp Cream of Tartar
1/3 C Splenda (or sweetener of your choosing)

Step 5:  Start whipping whites in steel bowl from the freezer, as it starts to froth up, sprinkle in the cream of tartar. Continue whipping until it doubles in bulk and starts to hold peaks. Gradually add in Splenda and keep whipping until nice firm (not too stiff though) peaks form.

Frangipane-Meets-Sponge:

Step 6: *Glop* (yes, it's a technical term. If in doubt, listen to the whites fall from the bowl into the bowl of the frangipane batter. There should be a tell tale GLOP)  the whipped whites on top of the banana frangipane batter. Then GENTLY fold whites into batter. Fold approximately 20-25 times. Counting carefully, and not abusing the whites.

Pour into prepared cake pan, smoothing out evenly.

Step 7:  Cover with Saran wrap or  aluminum foil, and put on trivet in cooker with 1-2 cups of water in the vessel.  Cook on high pressure for 15 minutes (setting valve to SEAL). Once done cooking, let it sit, and let it de-pressurize on its own.

It's up to you how you proceed w/a frosting.
It's up to you about add ins such as chopped walnuts or chocolate chips.

I envision, at a minimum, of eating a slice of this with a shmear of peanut butter on top.

Fananas Boster Frangipane

 
Preheat oven 350
Grease baking dish w/a spritz of Pam

Note, this dish could very easily be Kosher For Passover and/or Gluten Free and/or Dairy Free with a few tweaks.  Also worth noting, this recipe was originally done as a "reduced sugar" dessert; however, with the caramel sauce, there isn't a real good substitute for the effects of real sugar in caramel.

Ingredients:

3/4 C. Almond meal
1/3 C. Splenda (or granulated sugar)
1/4 C. Grapeseed (or other neutral) oil
pinch salt
2 eggs
1 tsp. Almond extract
1/2 tsp Butter extract
1 T. AP flour (or potato starch or other Gluten Free flour)
2 Bananas, peeled, sliced in half end to end, then sliced in half at the midpoint, quartering them.
2 T. Amaretto or rum

Prep the bananas and put in a large container, coating all surfaces w/the amaretto or rum. Set aside.

In a large bowl, with a hand mixer, blend together all the other ingredients.

Pour into prepped baking dish, and make a fancy spiral or pinwheel w/the banana slices. Bake at 350 for approx 20 minutes, center rack.

While the frangipane is baking, make the caramel:

2/3 C. Sugar (I used turbinado)
2/3 C. Milk (I used Lactaid, though I'm sure Almond milk could work)
2 T. Butter (Nondairy butter substitute could work)
Pinch of salt
A few drops of vanilla extract

Blend everything together in a pot over medium heat. Stir frequently. Raise the heat to high, and it will continue to foam up. Keep taking it off the heat, back on, etc. Stir frequently. Watch this. Because eventually, it will come together as caramel eventually. 

At first you'll think, "WTF, when will this start to look like caramel?" Seriously, this is the part that takes the longest to come together. But once it does hit the caramel stage, things move quickly and you can scorch this pretty quick. Luckily, I got a good batch of caramel first time out. I've never made caramel before. Tip: You really need to babysit the caramel to ensure it won't scorch and to ensure it doesn't boil over.

Take frangipane out of oven. Let sit a few minutes in the baking dish. You can leave it in the dish as is, if you're making it for yourself, or if you are planning on taking it to a party, you might want to invert it out of the baking dish, then invert it again onto the plate you'll be taking to someone else's home. Pour the caramel all over the top. Optional sprinkle with slivered almonds if you're being fancy.

Serves about 6-8, depending on how big your slices are.

Strawberry Shortcake for a Crowd

I like to bake. Sometimes, I even like to bake for my co-workers (but only the ones I consider "friends"). One of my co-workers is having a birthday this week, so I asked "What kind of cake do you want?" The response? "Do you know how to make strawberry shortcake?"

Hrmm...

Well...

Sure I do...

Confession time: I have never made a strawberry shortcake, at least not in the sense of a stacked cake with fresh whipped cream, which is what one would expect for a birthday. I have made the more traditional sort of strawberry shortcake, which are individual biscuits sliced in half and topped with strawberries and whipped cream. Easy peasy, especially since they are basically assembled just before serving so you don't really need to worry about the stability of the whipped cream. But for a birthday at the office, those wouldn't really be convenient (or particularly eye-catching).

So, I went in search of a recipe for the kind of strawberry shortcake I'm used to seeing at diners/bakeries, which is basically a stacked layer cake with strawberries and whipped cream between each layer. One of my favorite baking blogs, Smitten Kitchen, has a recipe that looks just delicious as well as pretty. The biggest challenge, I think (besides the always nerve wracking slicing layers in half) will be making a stable whipped cream that can survive a night in the refrigerator and a car ride to work.

The birthday is Thursday, so I plan to make the cakes tonight and assemble Wednesday evening. I'll let you know how it turns out!

Angel food cake for Maven's birthday

You will need:

1 1/4 cups cake flour
1 3/4 cups white sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 cups egg whites
1 teaspoon cream of tartar
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 teaspoon almond extract

To bake:

Beat egg whites until they form stiff peaks, and then add cream of tartar, vanilla extract, and almond extract.

Sift together flour, sugar, and salt. Repeat five times.

Gently combine the egg whites with the dry ingredients, and then pour into an ungreased 10 inch tube pan.

Place cake pan in a cold oven. Turn the oven on; set it to 325 degrees F (165 degrees C).
Cook for about one hour, or until cake is golden brown.

Invert cake, and allow it to cool in the pan. When thoroughly cooled, remove from pan.

7Up Cake...just 'cause...

Since it’s been a while since this bitch has posted a recipe, here y’all go.

BTW – To the Vegetarians among us, note the lack of lard-based products. To the Vegans…well, ummm…sorry ‘bout that, but the cow and the chicken involved in the creation of the butter and eggs are free ranging it somewhere in out-state Missouri…promise!

7Up cake
1 ½ cup butter, softened
2 cups sugar
5 eggs
3 cups flour
2 Tbls. Lemon extract
¾ cup 7Up
Powered sugar

Cream butter and sugar until smooth. Add eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition. Add flour, lemon extract, and 7Up; mix well. Pour into greased angel food or bundt pan. Bake at 325 degrees for 1 hour and 15 minutes or until done. Let cool and then sprinkle with powered sugar.

Yum-tastic!

PS:
For vegetarian (not Vegan), in baked goods, you can replace each egg with 2 tablespoons (1 oz.) of soft tofu.

My Flourless Mocha Torte, aka Dr. Dan's Birthday Cake

For a few years, I made this torte as part of my (now former) Passover celebrations.

For a few years, I made this torte as a birthday cake for my former chiro and beloved friend, Dr. Dan, as his birthday more often than not, would land smack dab during Pesach. One year, I even adorned it with calla lilies I fashioned out of marzipan.

Here's hoping that the recipe ends up having a longer life as Dan's birthday cake than a former Passover cake.

Kosher for Passover or not... It is a thing to behold. Somewhat dry and cracked on top like a brownie, deep, decadently fudgey on the bottom like a truffle.

THIS, this is my most coveted recipe. I won't even give it to relatives. It's that special. And it is in honor of (Dr.) Dan's birthday that prompts me to share this wonderful recipe.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AND MANY RETURNS OF THE DAY, DAN!!

Preheat oven: 325

Ingredients:

8 oz Bittersweet chocolate chips
1 1/2 Sticks butter (salted is fine)
4 Egg whites and 1 whole egg (or four whole eggs, or the equivalent of scramblers)
1 1/2 Cup Sugar (a 50/50 mix of Splenda and Malitol Crystals works too)
1 tsp. Instant coffee powder


Procedure:

Prepare baking pan with oil spray and sugar. A springform pan works best.

Melt chocolate and butter in double boiler.

Separately whisk eggs, and then incorporate a little of the hot, melted chocolate/butter mixture to temper the eggs, continue mixing in the whisked eggs.

Whisk in sugar and coffee powder.

Pour into prepared pan.

Wrap bottom of pan with tin foil

Place pan in hot water bath and bake 1 1/2 hours until set.

Cool overnight

Dislodge torte from springform pan, and garnish with a dusting of sifted coffee powder and a little cinnamon, or a drizzle of Nutella, or ganache, or whipped cream and fresh fruit.

Red Velvet Cake and Icing, for Maven

Shit you will need:

• 1/2 cup shortening
• 1 1/2 cups sugar
• 2 eggs
• 2 tablespoons cocoa
• 1 1/2 oz red food coloring
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 2 1/2 cups flour
• 1 teaspoon vanilla
• 1 cup buttermilk
• 1 teaspoon soda
• 1 tablespoons vinegar

PREPARATION:

Cream shortening; beat in sugar gradually. (I usually sing, "Beat it!")
Add eggs, one at a time; beat well after each addition.
Make paste of cocoa and food coloring; add to creamed mixture. (This can stain if you get it on your fingers...)
Add salt, flour and vanilla alternately with buttermilk, beating well after each addition.
Sprinkle soda over vinegar; pour vinegar over batter. (The soda and vinegar combo bubbles a bit -- it's cool!)
Stir until thoroughly mixed.
Bake in 3 8-inch pans or 2 9-inch pans for 30 minutes at 350°.
(Tou can get creatinve, and use one square pan, and one circle pan, and cut the circle in half to make a heart-shaped cake, if you are Betty Fuckin' Crocker.)

ICING:

You can use this, or you can use a rich cream cheese frosting -- your call, and it's good either way!

1 cup milk
3 tablespoons flour
1 cup confectioner's sugar
1/2 pound (two sticks) REAL butter
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 teaspoon butter flavoring


Cook milk and flour until thick.  Then cool it.
Then whip sugar, butter, vanilla and flavoring.
Add to cold flour mixture;  cream until smooth.
Spread over layers and outside of cake.

Sugar Free Chocolate Cheesecake

Maven's Intense Chocolate Cheesecake

Total time until you can actually consume a slice: 5 hours? Maybe?

Preheat oven: 350; Put the top rack in dead center of oven; put lower rack directly under, situated with a low baking tray (casserole sized like for lasagne) of HOT water

Ingredients:

3 packs Neufschatel cheese (or Philly Brand cream cheese); total weight 1.5 lbs (Room temp)

9 oz Baker's Chocolate or Ghiardelli chocolate (bitter), NO SUGAR* (MELTED)

2 Cups sour cream

3 Eggs

1.5 teaspoons Vanilla

1 Pinch salt

1 Tablespoon Xanthan Gum powder (or if carbs/sugar are not an issue, corn starch)

2 Cups Malitol*

1/5 to 1 Cup Splenda*

*If you wish to make this with regular sugar, use 1 Cup regular semisweet chocolate chips, and 1 1/2 Cups sugar

1 Pack sugar free cookies (I prefer the Oreo styled ones, as you don't need to mix in butter to form the crust. Crunch up to crumbs, press into Pam sprayed springform pan.

2-3 Tablespoons Nutella (This is the only thing containing actual sugar, use sparingly)

1 Cup Smuckers sugar free Strawberry Preserves

1 Quart strawberries, washed, hulled

Procedure:

1. Melt chocolate in microwave, 30 seconds at a time (takes about 1 minute to 1.5 minutes to melt).
2. Blend chocolate thoroughly with room temp Neufschatel/cream cheese.
3. In a separate bowl, blend all remaining batter ingredients together, then incorporate with chocolate cream cheese mixture.
4. Pour into prepared springform pan (depending on the size of the springform, you might have some "leftovers", pour left overs into Pam sprayed custard cups.
5. Bake for 45 minutes. DO NOT OPEN OVEN.
6. Turn oven off. Leave cheesecake in oven for ONE HOUR.
7. I SAID DO NOT OPEN DOOR.
8. I MEANT IT!
9. DO YOU WANT YOUR CAKE TO SCREW UP?
10. After one hour, remove from oven, and let cool for ONE HOUR before putting in fridge.
11. LET IT COOL ONE HOUR.
12. DO YOU WANT YOUR CAKE TO CRACK?
13. After the cake is thoroughly cooled: Spread 2-3 tablespoons of Nutella on top of cake. This will form the "cement" the strawberries will sit upon. You can use less if you can spread it thin enough.
14. In a microwave safe bowl, put strawberry preserves and nuke for about 30 seconds, until liquified.
15. Coat fresh strawberries with this "glaze" and arrange berries (cut side down) onto cake.
16. Return to fridge so the preserves will set back up.

Although my favorite cakes tend to be things like a Red Velvet, a good moist Carrot Cake or a Laby Baltimore cake... cheesecake (or better yet, my Manna Mocha Torte) is just too decadent for words. My birthday is coming up, and perhaps I'll make my cheesecake ultra lemony, no chocolate (unless I can find UNSWEETENED WHITE CHOCOLATE, perhaps a trip to the King Arthur Flour Co's site might render a positive verdict on that one), with a crunchy coconutty merinque or coconutty shortbread crust, and make some Sugar Free Lemon Curd on top, and maybe top it with some raspberries, if they are still in season.

This is one from my husband's side of the family -- it's a very dense and filling cake, and it generally needs no frosting. It's sort of like fruitcake, but tastier. You should serve it in SMALL slivers. (From an old Pennsylvania Dutch cookbook.)

Pardon the bible-thumping; the corresponding verses the ingredients are found in are listed after the ingredients themselves.

Oh, and the ingredients can be 'spensive. Be warned.

Scripture Cake

1 1/2 cups butter Psalms 55:21
2 cups granulated sugar — Jeremiah 6:20
6 eggs — Isaiah 10:14
4 1/2 cups flour — I Kings 4:22
1/8 teaspoon salt — Luke 14:34
2 teaspoons — baking powder I Corinthians 5:6
1/2 teaspoon nutmeg — II Chronicles 9:9
4 teaspoons cinnamon — II Chronicles 9:9
2 teaspoons allspice — II Chronicles 9:9
2 teaspoons ground cloves — II Chronicles 9:9
2 tablespoons honey — Judges 4:19
1/2 cup milk — Judges 4:19
2 cups raisins — II Samuel 16:1
2 cups chopped figs — Song of Solomon 2:13
2 cups blanched, slivered almonds — Numbers 17:8

Preheat oven to 325 degrees F.

Cream together the butter and sugar until light and fluffy.
Then beat in eggs, one at a time.
Sift together flour, salt, baking powder, nutmeg, cinnamon, allspice and ground cloves.
Add alternately with the milk to the batter.
Stir in the honey and fold in fruits and nuts; mix well.

Bake in two greased 9 x 5-inch loaf pans for one hour or until done. Or put it into one big-assed bundt cake pan.

Cool for 30 minutes before removing cakes from pans to rack to finish cooling.

Just in time for Halloween -- the infamous (but delicious) CAT BOX CAKE

(Yeah, I'm one sick bitch. Sue me! The expressions on people's faces when you serve this are PRICELESS!)

You will need:

1 spice or German chocolate cake mix
1 white cake mix
2 large pkg vanilla instant pudding mix, prepared
1 large pkg 'Nilla wafers
green food coloring
12 small Tootsie Rolls®

1 new kitty litter pan
1 new plastic kitty litter pan liner
1 new pooper scooper

Now, for the fun part --
Prep:

Wash the kitty box and scooper thoroughly (by hand or in the dishwasher).

Prepare the cake mixes and bake according to directions (the size of the pan doesn't matter).

Prepare the pudding mix and chill until ready to assemble.

Crumble the Nilla wafers in small batches in food processor, scraping often.
Set aside all but about 1/4 cup.
To the 1/4 cup cookie crumbs, add a few drops green food coloring and mix until completely colored. (I just put them in a tupperware container, add a few drops of green food coloring, and shake the living shit out of them.)

When the cakes are cooled to room temperature, crumble into a large bowl.
Toss with half the remaining white cookie crumbs and the chilled pudding.

Important: mix in just enough of the pudding to moisten it. You don't want it too soggy. Combine gently.

Line a new, clean kitty litter box. Put the cake/pudding/cookie mixture into the litter box.

Now, the part I know Maven will like: go make yourself some turds!
(Not REAL turds -- fake turds. Depending on your targets, of course.)

Put three unwrapped Tootsie rolls in a microwave safe dish and heat until soft and pliable.
Shape ends so they are no longer blunt, curving slightly.
Repeat with 3 more Tootsie rolls, and bury them in the mixture.
Sprinkle the other half of cookie crumbs over top.
Scatter the green cookie crumbs lightly on top of everything -- this is supposed to look like the chlorophyll in kitty litter.

Heat 3 Tootsie Rolls in the microwave until almost melted.
Scrape them on top of the cake; sprinkle with cookie crumbs.
Spread remaining Tootsie Rolls over the top; take one and heat until pliable, hang it over the side of the kitty litter box, sprinkling it lightly with cookie crumbs.
Place the box on a newspaper and sprinkle a few of the cookie crumbs around for a truly disgusting effect!

Further notes: I've hadfriends tell me that this recipe only needed half the amount of pudding. I personally liked the cake with the amount given in this recipe. But feel free to use this as a loose guideline, use more or less as you see the need.

Also, since the layer of cookies (with the chloropyll green specks, covers the top, you could really use any flavor or flavors or cakes underneath.

Last but not least, you can also opt not to crumble the cakes, but rather layer them in the pan with the layers of pudding in between, like making a trifle, sprinkle the top layer of pudding with a heavy layer of crumbled cookies. Same effect, different texture entirely to the dessert.

Dump Cake Link-Back Lovin'

Thanks to PFirch for her post, and I surfed on over to check her/her blog out. I've bookmarked it, looks like an interesting blog with a variety of things I'm interested in.

As I've got a few Asian pears ripening at home, I saw her dump cake recipe, and fell in love. I might just make it this weekend:)

I bought some Laird's Applejack last night, because I was feeling homesick, and Laird's Distillery is in one of my favorite areas of NJ. Perhaps I might add a nip to the cake if I make it:)